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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Please Prove You're Not a Robot

Memory refresher. I am devoting Wednesdays to test-driving some potential rewrites for my Linked-In account. I might occasionally touch on interview strategies too, although most of them will be disastrous. Today I'm emphasizing my ability to think creatively. Here goes:

So you want me to prove I'm not a robot?
What the heck is a penoso?
Why are some of these real words and some not?

Well, that’s easy. I’ve been doing that my entire life by engaging in the type of creative thinking that results in excellent writing--and, in turn, marketing success. I’ve become so deft at proving I'm not robotic, all I have to do is type in a series of letters when prompted. Bingo! Instant proof. I have to admit that re-typing this cryptic code makes me feel all Mark Zuckerberg-ish (minus about a gazillion dollars, which is why I’m on Linked In in the first place). The problem is it also makes me wonder if I am a robot. This tends to negate my life’s work. But oh well! (Did I mention I find myself responding to these prompts at least once a day? Apparently wasting huge amounts of time online is what it takes to build an Internet presence.)

This, my friends, is an illustration of the contradictory times in which we live. (Note: a robot could never use such good grammar. Robots often end sentences with prepositions in their attempts to sound more conversational. Let's be honest. A robot has no firm grasp of what sounds conversational. I mean, Siri tries, but nail it she does not.) A robot would never approve of bracketing vast amounts of text in parentheses, but I'm okay with it. What's more, robots don't know how to properly pluralize parenthesis. And they avoid alliteration at all costs.

Anyway, to make a long story short (which I can do, but I can also make a short story long, depending on your needs), if you want an independent, non-robotic thinker and a versatile writer, please contact me. Don’t take my word about the robot part. Just send that code thing. I'm CAPTCHA 5000 certified now, so I can easily type in the letters--but only if they're not skewed beyond comprehension (hate it when that happens). Did I mention my typing speed is fifty letters per millisecond? If that doesn't impact your business in a positive way, I don't know what will. Time is money, after all.

1 comment:

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