My Biggest Strength

It's time for Wimp-out Wednesday, where I experiment with the interviewing techniques I'm too chicken to attempt during an actual interview. Today I tackle the dreaded whopper: “What is your biggest strength?” This question is an interviewing staple, and especially difficult to answer. My advice is to walk the tightrope between appearing cocky and conveying an air of utter incompetence. One must appear to be choosing from a long list of strengths (because who wants to hire a wimp?) or risk blowing it. All the while, you're sweating in anticipation of the pesky follow-up: “What is your biggest weakness?”

     This time around, however, I’m prepared.

     My biggest strength is my initials. (Oh no! Should it be are my initials. This is a writing job. I need to nail the grammar. No, is is right. I think. Shit! What’s the subject?) That is why I plopped them right at the top of my resume and used this inflated font to make them really stand out. I want to be known for my initials, you see. They took up a good three inches before I updated the layout so I could actually fit some qualifications on there.

     Let me explain why my initials are so strong. 

     Isn’t it self-explanatory? JK! I mean, tack a Rowling at the back of them and I’m the most successful fantasy writer in the world—and British to boot. I even have a theme park, well—my character does. Note that two letters share a stem in my initials. Pretty awesome! JKJKJKJKJKJKJK. They're also fun to type! Add them to a facebook post and they’re an excuse not to take anything seriously. You haven’t changed a bit JK; Love it! JK; You two make the perfect couple JK. I can back out of any post by simply citing my initials. They’re like a little disclaimer: The views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect my opinion, so you can’t hold me to it! (Probably want to refrain from this one: So sorry for your loss. You’re in my prayers. JK) On serious posts, I stay on the safe side and leave the initials off. The selfie of me beaming like an idiot is enough of an identifier.

     Scatter some letters in between, and you have JunKet. Which I’ve always wanted to try if I ever got into politics. (Oh shit! Don’t bring up politics on an interview! What are you thinking? Take it back! I can't. Mental face palm. Mental! Oh no! You did one for real. All right, now JK stands for: Just Kiss this opportunity goodbye. Capiche?)

     My greatest weakness? That’s easy: hearing inner voices.