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Friday, October 17, 2014

I'm Grateful for My Shitty Computer

Do your eyes deceive you? No. They don’t. Today for the Celebrate Small Things blog hop, I’m truly grateful for my shitty computer. That's right. If a person showed up at my door today, right now, and offered me a free I-Pad, I’d decline. Even if it was an I-Pad Air. I’d say: No way! I’m good with the computer I have. That old desktop over yonder, on the…well, on the desktop. 
     So what if the graphic driver’s shot? I like a computer that blinks on and off as I’m typing. It reminds me of my brain. 

      And so what if it takes about a million years for the little icons to materialize on my screen every morning when I turn it on? That gives me time for another cup of coffee. 

     So what if it crashes more reliably than the blood-sugar levels of a kid who makes a steady diet of Twinkies and Dots? Gives me an excuse to get off it and go do something else. I guess you could say that my shitty computer has taught me some invaluable lessons.

    Here are a few other things I learned from my crap computer.

Save. Save the freaking document! Save it every time you breathe, every time your heart beats. Every time you think of Colin O’Donoghue and how he never wears anything but that stupid pirate outfit on Once Upon a Time. Save when you imagine you’re getting a whiff of the B.O that needs must waft odiously from O’Donoghue’s leather-encased pits. Save when you find yourself feeling ashamed for dissing O'Donoghue—who is after all a one-handed man (or plays one on TV). C'MON! He still should be able to afford an alternate outfit. Trade rum for it, for God's Sake. Rum's a commodity. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Save! Save! Save!

Back it up. Okay, so you forgot to save. Again. No worries, you have the last draft backed up in the cloud or some other such idyllic, hypothetical place (A flash drive doesn’t count.) Hurrah for you. Because even if you did save each and every time, something unexpected still might happen. Always have a back-up plan.

Your computer is not alive. Sure, it’s been with you right from the beginning, cheering you on with those indecipherable beeps, challenging you to rise above the blue screen of death, making you persevere no matter how many uncertainties the task you're asking of it entails (printing, emailing or just listening). Sometimes you would swear that it's alive. Here's ultimate proof to the contrary. Your computer will be the sole thing that manages to brave your company in November, which marks Nano, an activity that will make you so insufferable that anyone who actually is alive (like the rest of your family and friends) will avoid you like an Ebola-stricken traveler. 

I'm sorry to bust your bubble, but despite the fact that you bounce ideas off it, swear at it, threaten to throw it through a window and plug most of its orifices with electrical devices, it isn’t alive--(and you should thank God it's not, by the way, because you might be up on charges if it were, especially after that last line). Don't you realize that any live thing definitely would’ve objected by now to the continuous stream of coffee spittle dripping down its screen? (Which of course would be the equivalent of its face in a live version of itself.) Don't look at me that way!The Internet is funny and I spit when I laugh. Up until now, you’ve simply been projecting human traits on it. Calm down! It's understandable. After all, you spend about eight hours of your day immersed in a world of your own imagining. Plus you’ve always been a bit nuts, if you want to know the truth.

Just because something is nuts, doesn’t mean you have to run out and replace it right away. Chris Cooper said it best in Seabiscuit: “You know, you don’t throw a whole life away just because he’s banged up a little." *abandons un-dead computer to watch Seabiscuit twenty additional times.*

You can find a bright side in anything if you put your mind to it. Amen to that! This holds true especially if you’re a writer.

This blog hop is hosted by Vik Lit (Scribblings of an Aspiring Author) and co-hosted by: Diana WilderLG Keltner @ Writing Off the EdgeKatie @ TheCyborg Mom, and CaffeMaggieato @ mscoffeehouse 
If you'd like to join us in finding gratitude in unexpected places, please click below. My computer commands you.


  1. How do you know that old computer is NOT really alive? Be careful what you think . . .

  2. I have just avoided bedewing my screen with wine spittle. What a great post! I'm laughing, nodding (flashdrives sure DON'T count - I lost my 16G one that I used to back up. Now I use clouds, computers and (once in a while) flash drives. And I email my work to myself. This does not protect me from forgetting my password. *sigh*

    Have a great weekend!

  3. I would email my work to myself (great idea) but since my computer is now suing me for slander, I'm not allowed any interaction with it. In fact, I'm thinking of tearing down the R2D2 poster hanging in its bedroom. Thanks for stopping by, Marilyn and Diana! (I love, love, love the word bedewing!)

  4. LOL. What a great reminder to keep positive! Am loving all your silver linings. I'm a tad bit impatient when the thing takes forever to load, so great tips you have here!