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Monday, August 20, 2012


     I can’t say they are what I miss the most about advertising (that would be the people—duh!), but there was comfort in being able to screw up royally, and then rely on the fine print for absolution. It was a quickie confession of sorts--although a bit less quick when the disclaimers became as long as the ads. At that point, a person of some consequence would have to swoop in and sweet-talk The Client into editing out some of the legalese. Because people tend to be suspicious of advertisements that are ALL disclaimer. (They look funny, for one thing.) Still, it was nice to know you had a chance to redeem your lowdown attempt to manipulate innocent people into mass consumerism, even if it was just a brief, incoherent passage tacked on at the end. Not only did disclaimers help us sleep better at night, they are a kick to spoof. Feel free to leave any goofy versions of disclaimers or disclaimer-related stories in the comment section if any come to mind. (Ad folks: This Means You.) The funnier, the better.

     Please read responsibly.

     So I was thinking, I’d disclaim my blog up front so there will be no illusions of its ability to provide edification. Here goes: I know nothing. I’m not an expert. I’m unemployed, unpublished and at this moment…unfollowed. I don’t care. The internet is the great equalizer, and as I see it, we all have just as much right as anyone to ramble on about the topic of our choice. All that is required is a Google account.  

Me being unseen and unheard.
     This self-deprecating attitude can be traced right to my childhood. When I was growing up my dad used to say “Children should be seen and not heard," and I took his words to heart, knowing they were targeted at me. They had to be. I mean, I was the only child in my household, since both my siblings were at least a decade older than I was. So don't bother telling me I was being oversensitive. I wasn’t! As a result of this household mantra, I became quiet and contemplative. Little did I know that technology would gallop in and come to my rescue, striking and reversing these restrictive words. Thanks to facebook, blogging, various discussion threads, it became possible to be heard and not seen, which reminds me of my copywriting days because in making ads, most of the creative energy is expended behind the scenes. You can project your vision on the masses and still remain anonymous. Now thanks to all the aforementioned forms of communication, everyone can opt to be heard and not seen. Unless we're Kim Kardashian. Which we're not.

     Professional writer on a closed course.

     **Certain restrictions apply. New activations only. Limited to certain rate plans. The Block is a registered service mark of Swiss, Ltd. (There are glaring holes in the guidelines, so don’t feel too pressured to respect them.) See a doctor for any discomfort lasting longer than four hours. Offer ends in the year 2012, along with the world. Please refer to the Mayan calendar for details. All adverse effects of this blog should be reported to the CDC, especially any oozing. I hate oozing.

      Tonight I'll sleep with a clear conscience. Like you care.

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